on this day one year ago

It's so crazy to me that exactly one year ago today I woke up and had no idea that I was about to get the biggest shock of a lifetime, courtesy of this little pregnancy test:

I will never forget the moment that I saw that second pink line start to form on the results screen, and I'm sure Mike will never forget how he felt when he heard me say, "Ummmmm...," from the next room. Before I even got the words out, he knew I was about to tell him I was pregnant. We both had to hoist our jaws up off the floor, did a little happy dance around the room, and then spent a few moments in silence just letting the news sink in. I remember putting my hands on my abdomen and willing myself to feel something, anything, that would act as a sign that this was for real. Three pregnancy tests later, I was pretty much convinced that it was.

I had never felt any responsibility so huge as the one that was suddenly upon me, to grow and protect this little poppyseed until it became a real live human. I felt scared and lucky and anxious and excited all at once, along with about a thousand other waves of emotion. In that moment, our baby was such a hard concept to wrap my head around--being massively pregnant, giving birth, holding my child, it all seemed so far away.

And now, here we are, one year later--oh, how things have changed in our lives! I can't imagine my days not including Natalie, and all of those thousands of pregnancy-related fears and emotions have been replaced by even more feelings of wonder and apprehension and gratitude and fear. And it is hard. But it is worth it. I am so so happy to have my little poppyseed out here with us.

One year ago exactly my little budgie was literally just a tiny speck of matter, and now she is our daughter. I don't know that I've fully finished hoisting my jaw off the floor over that one.