It's been a hard weekend for this mama. Well, not the whole weekend. But the bad parts can outweigh the good sometimes, ya know?
This weekend the bad parts revolved around my very contrary toddler, who was bound and determined to get exactly what she wanted at any given moment. There were tears (mine and hers), screeching (her), muttered swearing (me and Mike), and general exhaustion (all around). I felt so frustrated watching her slip even further out of my control, and then felt guilty for the anger and resentment bubbling inside of me. I was short with Mike and disappointed in myself because of what I felt I must be lacking as a parent to not be able to handle these stressful situations.
To salvage the day, we got Natalie in the car and headed to the beach. It was a windy day, and it almost seemed like the breeze blew away all the stress and tension that had mounted in our little family in the previous 24 hours. I watched my independent child run through the wet sand and along the splashing waves, putting treasures in her bucket and exploring the shore, and I started to feel a little more proud of the parenting that Mike and I have done. Yes, our daughter is stubborn and opinionated and not easily manipulated into doing what we want, but she is so bright and capable and adventurous; in this case, I guess the good outweighs the bad.
At the end of our seaside ambling, we tossed the budgie in the back of the Jeep for a diaper change and I snapped these pictures of her being her sweetest self. I almost cried again, in that moment, but not out of frustration this time--instead, I felt overwhelmed by the magnitude of raising this little human, and the joy that it brings me.
This weekend the bad parts revolved around my very contrary toddler, who was bound and determined to get exactly what she wanted at any given moment. There were tears (mine and hers), screeching (her), muttered swearing (me and Mike), and general exhaustion (all around). I felt so frustrated watching her slip even further out of my control, and then felt guilty for the anger and resentment bubbling inside of me. I was short with Mike and disappointed in myself because of what I felt I must be lacking as a parent to not be able to handle these stressful situations.
To salvage the day, we got Natalie in the car and headed to the beach. It was a windy day, and it almost seemed like the breeze blew away all the stress and tension that had mounted in our little family in the previous 24 hours. I watched my independent child run through the wet sand and along the splashing waves, putting treasures in her bucket and exploring the shore, and I started to feel a little more proud of the parenting that Mike and I have done. Yes, our daughter is stubborn and opinionated and not easily manipulated into doing what we want, but she is so bright and capable and adventurous; in this case, I guess the good outweighs the bad.
At the end of our seaside ambling, we tossed the budgie in the back of the Jeep for a diaper change and I snapped these pictures of her being her sweetest self. I almost cried again, in that moment, but not out of frustration this time--instead, I felt overwhelmed by the magnitude of raising this little human, and the joy that it brings me.
Capping off her sweetness today was this impromptu game of peekaboo:
I think I speak for all the non-parents out there when I say: children are mysterious creatures. I do not get them. They are adorable, and funny, and sweet, but they are also baffling in their capricious ways. From what I witness in shopping situations, they are like the Hulk in their anger, and there is no stopping them.
ReplyDeleteAny parent who says she isn't angry and resentful when her formerly sweet child goes full rage out of nowhere and doesn't stop for what seems like hours is lying. You and Mike are only human, and you're doing the best you can - which is pretty good.
thanks, amelia!
ReplyDeletebefore i had kids, i remember watching other toddlers having tantrums and thinking "never, ever, will that happen with mine." it's funny how all that changes when suddenly you're the one in charge of that little person.
thanks for the kind words, i needed them. i've been in a bit of a funk for days, which has coincided nicely with natalie's newfound full-body rage issues. any bit of support is appreciated :) xo!
Aww bless her playing in the car boot lol she so adorable!
ReplyDeletex x x