weird parents

Yes, that is my child wearing nothing but rain boots and a winter hat. And, yes, she is peeing all over our living room rug.

This post is all about the random things that Mikey and I have done as new parents that haven't been at all what we've envisioned.

Among those random things, allowing all manner of bodily fluids to end up on nearly every surface of our house is a big one. We are mostly to blame in all situations where pee, poop, spit-up, and snot have ended up on our clothes, furniture, and floors. We've been the fools to let Natalie have naked time every day, to toss her in the air too soon after a bottle, to wipe her nose with our sleeves only to discover that the small booger we were aiming for was attached to a mile-long string of snot, to turn away for a second during a diaper change and turn back to discover a soaking wet changing table/blanket/floor/backseat of our car. You'd think we'd have learned by now, but nearly every day seems to have at least one disgusting episode like that.

Other ridiculous things we find ourselves doing on a daily basis have included attempting every possible white noise option to get Natalie to sleep. We've gone through three (3!) vacuums since she was born because that's the only thing that seems to consistently help her fall asleep at night. When on a trip out of town we had to rely on a hotel hair dryer to do the trick, and we've suffered through variations on crashing waves, cawing birds, gurgling brooks, and jungle noises to try to find just the right combination of sounds that will result in a decent night's sleep.

As for keeping her asleep, we've learned the hard way that tired parents = fumbling buffoons. On countless occasions we have finally gotten Natalie down for the night, or just for a nap, only to trip on our way out the door or send something crashing to the floor in the next room. All this accidental waking has led to us being super cautious whenever we're near her nursery at night--we'll army-crawl in and out of the room to keep her from catching sight of us, tiptoe into our room in the dark so the light won't disturb her, avoid eye contact when she wakes up so she won't perk up like it's playtime. We've stopped shutting our bathroom door all the way so the noise from the latch won't wake her. In short, we are slaves to our sleeping baby.

We've also made complete fools of ourselves to get a laugh out of that little budgie. I never thought a baby could have such a particular sense of humor, but this kid won't laugh or smile for just anything. She wants you to work for it. Monkey faces and noises, spit-fueled raspberries, elaborate dance routines, comedic hijinx with fruits and vegetables... she demands to be entertained, and not in any simple way.

There are countless other tales of ridiculous parenting, which I will save for another post. Please tell me we're not the only parents who are this weird...